I miss Sean so much it physically hurts. Now  I joke around about all the pretty boys in my school and the crazy wild sex I’m (not) having- but really, I just can’t tell him how lonely I get sometimes. Because it hurts so badly, a really ache in my chest that brings tears to my eyes because I miss him so much. I don’t know how much i can take and then I get to thinking that I should just end it, let him go and let me just be. But that doesn’t solve anything because I still care so much about him, I love him so much and  I’m so good at forgetting because to remember means tot remember how much  I miss him.

and I miss home, I miss being home. I love being here but it’s so hard, it’s so discouraging to never have good food, never have enough sleep, always living assignment to assigmnet trying to squeeze in some me time. 

I just want to sleep and dream of Sean. I shoudnt have watched all of Walking Dead. Becuase now im scared. and im alone. and Im afraid of everyone and afraid for everyone. and I cant call him, and i feel bad for keeping him away from his family if I do since its his last week in NH. 

I wanted to get drunk this weekend but i didn’t. Partially becuase my friend wouldn;t sell to me, and partially becuase I just couldn’t abandon all my morals. I have so little saving graces left as it is.

I want to go home.